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Part VII : Darshan: About Children
A sannyasin asks: I'd just like to ask you about sannyas for my
children. I have two children, six and eight, and they're probably
going to come back with me in January for about six months.
I have some doubts about sannyas, that it seems to be another
form of baptism to put on them. Could you say something?
No need to make them sannyasins just now; that will be a baptism
and that is not good, mm? Let them come, let them feel. If they
decide on their own, that's good; don't decide for them. Anything
decided by somebody else is ugly; it is a kind of imprisonment,
an indoctrination.
So whether it is Christian or Hindu or Mohammedan doesn't matter.
It can be my sannyas—it doesn't matter. If it is enforced
by somebody else, with good wishes; that is not the point; that
is not doubted at all…. When you want your children to be
sannyasins you want it with good wishes—you feel that will
be a blessing for them, but that is your feeling —and even
if it is right, it is wrong to impose it on them…unless
they decide on their own. So all that we can do for children is
to just bring them into the situation where they can feel.
And children are very perceptive…more perceptive than
they will ever be again. Their eyes are more clear, they can see
truth more easily than grown-up people because grown-up people
have learned many things; the grown-ups naturally are conditioned
more. Their mirror is no more a mirror: it has many clouds around
it and much dust has gathered.
So if you feel that something good is happening anywhere and
you would like to share it with your children, bring the children
to the situation and help them to be there, that's all.
Never for a single moment enforce anything…don't even
persuade. Don't even utter a single word about sannyas—let
them come. They will be able to see, and if they feel, that's
good; then they have the right to move into it.
There is another kind of indoctrination which is anti—you
can prevent them: when they want to do something, you prevent
them; that too is the same. If the son of a Mohammedan wants to
become Christian he will be prevented. That is in a negative way
but again you are forcing something.
If you love the child you love the child's freedom too. And
never for a single moment think 'How can children think? How can
they decide for themselves?' That is one of the oldest pieces
of nonsense prevalent in the world—that people think 'How
can the children think for themselves? We have to think for them!'
If they cannot think for themselves then nobody else can…and
I am not saying that they will always think rightly. Freedom to
think implies freedom to go wrong; that's part of freedom. If
you always insist for the right then you don't give the freedom
at all. If you say only right should be done, then you decide
what is right and you decide what is wrong and then again the
freedom is crippled. Freedom means to do anything they want to.
So bring them here, let them feel, and if they start feeling something
then it is good. Mm? the day they want to take sannyas don't even
come with them—let them come alone! stars12
To a sannyasin, whose son had just been initiated into sannyas,
Osho says that one should respect one's child, and that now her
son was a sannyasin, she should regard him as a brother…
A child is born to you, but he does not belong to you. Always
remember that he has come through you. He has chosen you as a
passage, but he has his own destiny.
So giving him sannyas does not mean that you have to structure
him. You are not to force anything on him. Sannyas is freedom,
so give him freedom to be himself, and be alert not to impose
anything. Love him as much as you can, but don't give your thoughts
to him. When you meditate, just persuade him to be with you. Sometimes
dance with him.
And children can go into meditation very easily—one just
has to know how to help them towards it. They cannot be coerced;
that's impossible. Nobody can ever be coerced into meditation,
because coercion is violence. How can one coerce meditation? It
comes when it comes. But you can persuade.
You can just invite him with tremendous respect. Dance with him,
sing with him, sit in silence with him. By and by he will start
imbibing it. By and by he will start enjoying the play of it.
It cannot be a work for him. It cannot be a serious thing for
him—it should not be for anybody. It can only be a play.
So help him to play meditation…Let it be a game. Make it
a game with him, and by and by he will start loving it. He will
start asking you 'When are we going to play meditation?' And once
he starts learning some ways of silence, then meditation has started
working on him, and one day you will see that he is deeper in
meditation than you had ever expected. So you have to make a meditative
atmosphere.
To make somebody a Christian is easy. You have just to impose
a certain ideology, a catechism. You have to teach him that God
is a trinity, and that Jesus is God's son and things like that,
which can be learnt very easily, and which are very destructive,
because the person will never be free to explore. These prejudices
will always be there.
So when I give sannyas to a child, it is not that you have to
impose an ideology on him. You have just to persuade him towards
meditativeness. It has nothing to do with any ideology—Christian,
Hindu, Mohammedan; they are all irrelevant. It is more like love…it
is a feeling. And if he can learn something of it, then it starts
growing on its own. One day he will be grateful for it—that
you helped him. Right now he cannot understand, so the whole responsibility
is yours.
And this is my observation—that if grownups are a little
more meditative, children imbibe the spirit very easily. They
are so sensitive. They learn whatsoever is there in the atmosphere;
they learn the vibe of it. They never bother about what you say.
What you are—they always respect that. And they have a very
deep perceptivity, a clarity, an intuitiveness. You may be smiling
but they will immediately know that it is false, because your
eyes will be saying something else—and even more than that,
your whole body will be saying something else, your gesture will
be saying something else—that you are angry, that you are
just pretending, that it is just a policy.
They may not be able to formulate it in so many words, but they
immediately feel it. So never be untrue with children because
they will immediately know it. And once a child comes to know
that his parents are untrue, his whole trust is lost. That is
his first trust in life, his very base, and if that is lost he
will become a sceptic. Then he cannot trust anybody. He cannot
trust life, he cannot trust God, because those are very far away
things. Even the father deceived, even the mother deceived; even
they were not reliable, so what to say of anything else now?
Once a child learns…and every child is going to learn; it
is impossible to deceive a child. There is no method discovered
up to now on how to deceive a child. He simply knows where you
are, who you are. It is intuitive—it has nothing to do with
his intellect. In fact, the more intellectual he will become,
the more he will lose this intuitiveness, and he will not be able
to see things as they are. Right now a child is immediate. He
simply looks through and through. He looks at you and you are
transparent. So never be deceptive….
Love him and allow him to be a little meditative, and much is
possible.
That's why I say it is a great responsibility you have taken upon
yourself. I cannot give him sannyas directly. It is through you,
via you. So now you have to take care of two sannyasins—yourself
and him. passio20
A sannyasin, who is leaving, asks if she should stay at home and
take care of her husband and children, or continue her work as
a therapist. Osho asks if she needs to work for financial reasons,
and she replies, "No".
I think there is no need to work, but you can help the Meditation
Centre there. Devote your time to the centre, whatsoever time
you can give. And if they need it sometimes, you can lead groups
there. But don't make it a whole time thing…so the family
is not neglected.
The family should not be neglected…because once children
are neglected they will become accustomed to it, but they will
become hard and for the whole of their lives they will suffer
from the lack. If they have not been cared for they will not be
able to care for others.
This is a great problem that is facing the modern society, particularly
in the West. If the father goes to work and the mother also goes
to work then the children are almost orphans. And the presence
of the mother in the home cannot be substituted by anybody else.
It is not only a question of physical caring; it is a question
of spiritual nourishment.
So you cannot give the work to somebody else who is paid for
it. Then it is totally different, its quality is different; there
is no love involved in it. So, on the surface everything will
be taken care of but deep down something will be missed. And the
children may not ever become aware that they have missed something,
but the whole of their lives will show it. That's what is happening
on the psychiatrists' couches and in the mental hospitals. Out
of four persons, three persons are mentally disturbed and the
fourth is also suspicious.
And love is the greatest therapy. So you will be running therapy
groups for the children of some other mothers who have not loved
them. And then some day your children will need therapy groups
from somebody else! No need to work—take care of them. But
you can devote…. For your own growth it will be good, you
can devote some time to the centre. sacyes13
A sannyasin who is leaving says he is unsure whether to return
or stay in the West and work to support his wife and children.
He would prefer to be here.
Just go and see what is possible. But don't be hard, mm? If
it can be arranged in such a way that they don't suffer, arrange
it and come. If you feel that it will be too much for them and
they will suffer too much, then be there for a few more months
and settle things by and by. Don't be in a hurry. By and by settle
things….
Just go and see. Just explain the whole thing to them—that
you would like to come here….
It is important for you to stay here, but that responsibility
is there and those children will unnecessarily suffer, so that
has also to be looked into. And sometimes to fulfill your responsibility
is a great meditation…because you are sacrificing. They
are your children and this is your responsibility, because you
have given birth to them, to help them so that they can be on
their own. Don't make it just a duty but a joy.
Just go and see. If it is possible that nobody is hurt and things
can settle, help them to settle and come back. If you feel it
is difficult and it will not be possible, then wait, within a
year, things will settle. Don't be worried, mm?—something
will happen!
Just see how things work out, but don't be in a hurry and don't
be hard. Be loving and try to manage, I think within a year things
will settle. Good! nobook28
If what I am saying is heard, if what I am saying becomes prevalent
in the world some day, then children will really love their parents,
then children will be really in tune with their parents because
the parents will not be enemies to them, they will be friends.
parad106
A child asks: What is my meditation?…I don't know what a
meditation is.
That's good! Mm, but you want to know? Mm mm. Start dancing! Wild
dance is your meditation….
To the mother: Tell him to go to the music group in the night
so he can start dancing there.
To the child: and when you are back home for at least twenty minutes,
thirty minutes every night, dance. Put on any music and dance,
enjoy dancing, and that will be your meditation. halle27
When little Siddhartha first came… he was a small child,
very small, maybe three years old or four years old. I can see
exactly the moment he came to me.
He had brought a small rug, and he came as if he was a grown-up….
He unrolled the rug like the Zen disciples do, and he touched
my feet. All those who were present started laughing. This little
boy was doing a real thing, which is not expected from such a
little boy. He touched my feet with great gratefulness, with grace,
and then sat down on his rug.
That's why I gave him the name Siddhartha. Siddhartha was Gautam
Buddha's name given by his father. It is as beautiful as Buddha.
It means one who has arrived: Siddhartha, one who has found the
meaning, one who has found the significance of existence. zenman01
An innocent mind can catch, can imbibe samadhi—he may
not be able to understand what is happening.
Many times it happens: when little Siddhartha comes for close-up
or for charansparsh I can see it happening. He cannot understand
what is happening, but he immediately goes into it. He will not
be able to retain it because he is not aware of what happens,
but he is open to me….
He cannot understand what is happening, but he can go into it.
Just the moment I see into his eyes he starts moving into samadhi.
He can imbibe that opening. spcial07
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