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Part VII : Darshan: Relationship and Sex
I am not against relationship - I am all for it, but before you
can relate, you have to be. And if you are miserable and you relate
with someone, you are going to create more misery. The misery
is bound to be multiplied; not only doubled but multiplied. He
is miserable, you are also miserable. He cannot be alone, you
cannot be alone, so you depend on each other. And whenever you
depend on somebody, you can never forgive that man. He makes you
dependent, he makes you feel helpless. He becomes powerful and
dominates you. So deep down, every lover is against, hates, the
person he loves - because nobody can love slavery.
You can love only freedom. But freedom is possible only when
you are free to be happy, and when you can be happy absolutely
alone. If there is nobody, then too you can enjoy, dance, sing.
That becomes your very quality of being. Then you can relate…then
your happiness relates. Your music relates…your singing
and dancing relates. Of course you multiply your happiness.
Whatsoever you have will be multiplied in relationship. If you
have misery, misery will be multiplied. If you have happiness,
happiness will be multiplied. In relationship you will be reflected
in millions of ways - but you will be reflected. plan17
A couple are present. The woman is not a sannyasin, and the
man is. He says: It seems it's hard for one person in a relationship
to take sannyas and the other to not be a sannyasin.
But one can be a sannyasin and the other need not be a sannyasin;
what is the problem? One is a man, another is a woman and there
is no problem. Why can't one be a sannyasin, another not? There
is no problem!
(To the woman) What is the problem? His sannyas is creating
trouble? How can his sannyas create trouble?
She replies: He's been a great blessing of love, but I haven't
been able to accept his name…. I feel that he will not accept
me if I am not a sannyasin.
No, no there is no problem at all, mm? - there is no problem.
You are imagining things unnecessarily. How can his change of
name create any problem? Were you in love with the name or with
the man?
So the man is still there - he has not changed. And he will
not expect you to become a sannyasin, no. If you want to, you
can, but that is not his expectation. If you don't want to become,
you can remain a non-sannyasin. There is no problem in it, mm?
so don't be afraid about that.
None of my sannyasins are going to enforce anything on anybody
in any way, because that is my whole teaching - not to try to
change the other in any way; accept and respect the other as he
or she is. So that is an unnecessary fear. And you have to learn…you
love the man, so learn his new name!
There is no need to be worried that he will want you to become
a sannyasin, no. Even if he wants you to, I will not give you
sannyas; unless I feel that you are worthy to receive it, I will
not give it. It is not easy. When you feel like it and I feel,
'Yes, the feeling has arisen in you', only then will I give it
to you. So drop this idea; and there is no problem - just be in
love, mm?
(To the man) And let her feel that your sannyas has made you
more loving, more accepting, more relaxed, so that one day she
will start feeling like becoming a sannyasin. But that feeling
has to arise in her, it is not that you have to put it in her
mind. Simply forget about it. Just love her as she is: that very
love may change her mind. But make no effort to convert her. All
efforts to convert are efforts to dominate, and the freedom of
the other has to be respected. Just respect her as she is and
love her.
(To the woman) Do a few meditations, do a few groups, start
feeling what is happening here. So many people are getting into
it; there must be something in it. Don't think that only you are
right. There are so many people; they must be getting something
from it. bite15
You say: Some women say that since they've met You, although their
physical desires continue, a man is no longer satisfying enough
for them. Other women say that since they have met You they feel
more loving.
This is my feeling, that whenever a male seeker comes to me
he is interested in meditation; and whenever a female seeker comes
to me she is interested in love. She can be made interested in
meditation if I say that love will happen through it. But her
deep desire is for love. Love is God for a woman….
When female seekers come to me, it is bound to happen: they
will feel more love, but then a physical partner will be less
satisfying. Whenever there is deep love, a physical partner will
always become unsatisfactory, because the physical partner can
fulfill only the periphery, he cannot fulfill the center….
So when female seekers come to me, their depth is shocked. They
start feeling a new urge, a new love arising. Now their husbands
or their boyfriends, their partners will not be able to satisfy
it. Now this can be satisfied only by a much higher quality of
being. This is going to be so.
So either your boyfriend, your husband, has to become more meditative,
create higher qualities of being…only then will he be fulfilling.
Otherwise the relationship will break, the bridge cannot remain;
you will have to find a new friend. Or, if it is impossible to
find a new friend…then you have to love the divine. Then
just forget the physical part - now it is not for you.
The same happens to male seekers in a different way. When they
come to me, they become more meditative. When they become more
meditative, the bridge between their old partners is broken, becomes
shaky. Now their girlfriend or their wife has to grow, otherwise
the relationship is on the rocks, it cannot be maintained.
Remember this, that all our relationships, so-called relationships,
are adjustments. If one changes, the adjustment is broken - for
the better or for the worse, that is not the point. People come
to me and they say: If meditation brings higher qualities, then
why is the relationship broken? That is not the question. The
relationship was an adjustment between two persons as they were.
Now one has changed, the other has to grow with them; otherwise
there will be trouble, things will become false.
Whenever a man is here, he becomes more meditative. The more
meditative he is, the more he wants to be alone. The wife, the
beloved, will be disturbed by it. If she is not understanding
then she will start creating trouble - this man wants to be more
alone. If she is understanding, then there is no problem; but
that understanding can only come to her if her love grows. If
she feels more loving, then she can allow this friend to be lonely,
alone, and she will protect his loneliness. She will try to see
that it is not disturbed - this will be her love now….
So whosoever comes to me should come perfectly aware that it
is dangerous to be near me. Your old arrangements will be disturbed
- and I cannot help it. I am not here to help your adjustments;
that is for you to decide.
I can help you grow - grow in meditation, grow in love. To me,
both words mean the same, because they reach to the same end.
clouds13
A couple with relationship problems come to Osho for advice,
but the man does not like the advice given…
When you fall in love, you decide for yourself, and when you
want to separate you come to me - so you can throw the responsibility
on me. No one ever comes to say that they are falling in love.
They come only when they are falling apart….
If I say live together, then whenever there will be conflict
- and there will be twenty-four hours a day - you will be angry
with me. You will say that this man is forcing us to live together
- and of course you trust me, so you are living together.
But that is not the point. You are living together because you
are infatuated - but the responsibility goes on me. If I say separate
then you will miss her and she will miss you, and then you will
be angry.
In fact for me there is nowhere to hide my head. You never leave
any space for me - and whatsoever I say is going to be against
me. And you come only when something is going wrong. Nobody comes
to tell me that they are falling in love and to ask whether they
should fall or not.
The man says: Yes, I was aware that coming to you was tiring you
with our problems….
No, that is not the point. I would have stopped you then and
there, because whenever two fools fall in love, there is going
to be trouble. (laughter) And only fools fall in love, otherwise
who bothers?
Now you decide (chuckling) - don't throw it on me….
I am also learning! You just go and decide, and whatsoever you
decide to do, I bless! Right? wobble19
A new sannyasin says she has been living with a man for a year
who likes to be with other women also, and she does not know how
to handle her jealousy.
It is always difficult for a woman unless she also starts loving
people; otherwise it will remain difficult. He cannot be prevented,
and to prevent him is ugly also. Then you are destroying his happiness,
and if his happiness is destroyed, he will take revenge on you;
he will not feel so loving. If you try to dominate him, to prevent
him from going here and there, he will feel suffocated.
The problem is that down the ages man has always lived that way.
And woman has never lived that way - for a few reasons. Firstly:
in the old days, the problem was the child - if she gets pregnant
then she will be in trouble - so it was a question of security,
finance, and everything. Secondly: man himself has been teaching
woman to be pure, to be virgin, always to love one person. Man
has been using a double standard: one standard for the woman another
for himself. The woman has to be pure, devoted, surrendered. And
man? They say 'Boys are boys.'
Man has kept all freedom for himself. And he could manage to in
the past because the finances were in his hands. So financially
he was powerful. He was educated, he had the job. The woman had
no job, no education. Her whole world was confined to the house.
She had no contacts outside the house, so it was almost impossible
to fall in love. At least you need some contacts - only then can
you fall in love with somebody. And man has created big China
Walls around the woman…. For centuries Mohammedans have
not even allowed their women's faces to be seen by others. And
the woman was not supposed to talk to any man. A long repression
- it has gone into the very bones.
Now things have changed. Now the woman is educated, she can have
a job. She is as free as man. She can meet people, she can fall
in love, she can enjoy life. The problem of pregnancy is irrelevant
now; the pill has been one of the greatest freedoms. But the old
mind persists, and it is not a small thing - thousands and thousands
of years' conditioning. Your mother and mother's mother and all
the women that have preceded you, were all conditioned, and that
conditioning has penetrated into you too.
So the problem will be there unless you become very conscious
and drop it. Only two are the possibilities: one possibility is
to go on nagging your friend, as women have been doing down the
ages. That doesn't help; that simply makes the man feel more repulsed
by the woman. The more you nag, the more you throw him into somebody
else's embrace, because he becomes tired, bored with you, and
he would like to go somewhere and meet somebody who will not nag;
and it is a relief. That is not going to help and that is destructive
too.
The other thing is: become courageous, tell him that if he feels
like that, then take note of it - you will also move in the same
way. There should not be double standards! If he enjoys loving
other women then you will enjoy loving other men. You love him
but you will love other people too. Just make it clear to him,
and immediately if he is afraid, if he himself is a jealous type,
either he will say 'I will stop' - but then he is stopping on
his own…. Or there is no need to be worried - you start
moving also. Nothing is wrong in it!
I am not saying that he is doing anything wrong. All that I am
saying is: there should not be two standards, only one standard
for both. And each couple has to decide on a single standard;
that is the commitment. Either you both decide that you will remain
only for each other, monogamous - good, if you both decide willingly,
happily, joyously…. If it is not possible - one says 'I
would like to keep my freedom' - then you also keep your freedom!
Why be miserable? The misery arises because he is having fun and
you are just sitting there thinking of him. You also have fun!
And this is not a question which is personal only to you. This
is going to be the question for every woman in the future. Gather
courage! I will help you - these groups and meditations will help
you. Gather courage, and tell him before you start moving 'This
is going to be the case - don't feel jealous of me.' Because men
are even more jealous; their male chauvinistic ego feels more
hurt: 'My woman making love to somebody else?' They start feeling
as if they are not man enough. But then that is his problem. First
make it clear that you are to follow a certain standard. When
two persons decide to live together, then a certain rule of conduct
has to be evolved. When you are alone there is no question of
any rule of conduct. Just have a rule of the game, but it will
be applicable to both the parties.
So whatsoever decision comes…either he decides not to go
with others - it's okay - or if he decides that he would still
like his freedom, then you are freed. Then don't be cowardly;
start moving! There are beautiful people; why be confined to one?
Each person can contribute something which nobody else can. Each
person has such a uniqueness. Why not love many people and enrich
your love? In fact this is not against the man you love. My own
observation is that if you love many many people you will be loving
your lover more also - this is a simple arithmetic - because you
will become more skillful in love. You will have many aspects
of love available to your knowing. You will become more enriched
and ripe, mature.
And this clinging to one person is a kind of immaturity. Why should
one cling? Love is beautiful and love is divine, and all are the
forms of god, so why get obsessed with one form when the form
is not obsessed with you? If both are obsessed with each other,
it is okay.
This is an old idea which is not scientifically true, that if
the man goes and has a little affair with a woman sometimes, then
his own woman will suffer; she will not get as much love as was
hers. That is wrong. She will not suffer, she will get more.
And soon, seeing other women, meeting other women, again and again
the realisation comes: 'What is the point? My own woman can give
all this, and in a far more intimate way, with far more devotion,
far more commitment. Why should I be moving like a beggar?' He
will come home with a greater longing for you.
In fact, modern psychology suggests that if the marriage is to
continue, a few side affairs are always good and helpful to keep
the marriage running. If there are no side affairs then the marriage
becomes really a boring phenomenon. It becomes so heavy - the
same man, the same woman, the same talk, the same love; everything
sooner or later becomes a routine. Then the thrill is gone and
all is repetitious, monotonous.
Have a good talk with him and make it clear that if he is enjoying,
then you are also free. And be free! Freedom needs a little courage,
it needs guts, but you will enjoy it. And it is not going to disturb
anything in your relationship; it will enhance it. You will stop
nagging him. When you yourself start moving with people sometimes,
you will stop nagging. In fact that's why women don't move, because
then the nagging will be pointless. And they enjoy nagging - it
gives them power. If they also move they cannot make the man feel
guilty. And to make the man feel guilty gives immense power. But
this is wrong. Never make anybody feel guilty. If you love the
person, why make him feel guilty? If he likes it this way, let
it be this way! You also have a few small love affairs. That will
make both of you free from each other. And when love is free and
is given out of freedom, it has a totally different quality to
it. It has something really beautiful in it.
Then there is no conflict, no fight, no jealousy, nothing of the
sort. There is a calm and quiet, silent, relationship. When you
are also moving into a few new loves and he is moving into a few
new loves, both are always in a kind of honeymoon; meeting together
is always beautiful. Then things never become old and rotten.
Just a little courage…and it will happen! leap01
A sannyasin says she has been working as a prostitute in the West.
Returning there now to earn money to return here, she wonders
whether to return to prostitution or not. A voice inside her says
no - on the other hand it is a quick way to make money….
Then do something else, mm? do something else…because prostitution
is a betrayal of the body. There is nothing morally wrong in it
but spiritually much is wrong in it. You are allowing your body
to be used like a thing - that's a great insult to the body.
When the other so-called religious leaders say they are against
prostitution their reasons are different. When I say that it is
not good my reasons are totally different. My first reason is
that one needs to be in deep reverence with one's own body, one
needs to be in love with the body, so how can one allow somebody
to use it as a thing? It is a sacred thing!
Yes, you can share when you love a person, but for money it is
ugly. It is one of god's gifts to you - you can give it as a gift,
but don't sell it. You have not purchased it, so you have no right
to sell it! Mm? - it is a gift: we should be grateful to god that
he has given us such a beautiful body. It is a temple.
So when I say not to go into prostitution, my reasons are just
the opposite to those other religious people will give. They are
against sex, they are against joy. They are against anything that
makes people delighted - that is their reason. They are sex-repressive
people: they want everybody to be very limited in their sexual
relationships.
And a prostitute brings a freedom, that's why they are against
them. They want a very rigid monogamy in the world: man possessing
woman, woman possessing man, one-to-one. They are all for man
being used as property and woman being used as property. To me,
that too is prostitution. What they call marriage, to me is nothing
but a permanent prostitution.
Yes, you prostitute yourself to the same man again and again,
that's all. You don't charge the man, but it is prostitution because
it is based on money - it is a permanent license. To me the so-called
marriage is nothing but a sort of prostitution.
I am all for love and I am completely against marriage. Because
I am against marriage, I am against prostitution too. Try to understand
me: to me prostitution is just a by-product of marriage. The day
marriage disappears from the earth, prostitution will also disappear.
Where will you find a woman or a man to share his body with you
because of money? It will be impossible. People will love and
respect their body so much that will it be impossible. Yes, they
can share their love energy with you but only when they love…there
will be no other kind of relationship.
Right now the marriage is a prostitution; there is no love. The
wife goes on yielding to the husband because she has to, and the
husband can force sex - legally! He can threaten that he will
throw her out of the house, that he will not take any financial
responsibility; then she will be on the streets.
To avoid the streets she chooses this permanent kind of prostitution,
otherwise she will be with many people. And one man is so ugly
- how much more ugly will it be with so many men? So it is better;
it is the lesser evil.
Never treat your body as a thing. It is divine, it is divine energy.
Yes, if you love a man give your total heart, give your total
body, being, all that you have. But when the love disappears,
or if the love is not there, then there is no other way. The body
can be shared only in love: don't share even with your husband
if the love is not there.
If today you find that you are not in a love mood with your husband,
say simply that it will be prostitution! When love is there, love
makes everything beautiful. When love is not there, everything
becomes a nightmare, ugly.
So it may take a little longer for you to work, but that's good.
Go, do something else - be respectful about your body. It is a
god's gift, and you are responsible! God will ask you finally
what you did with your body. So go, mm ? and go with tremendous
trust - there is no problem in it. It will take a little longer
to come back, but that's not a problem. Avoid the old trap. It
will be easier for you to fall into the trap because easy money
always can have an appeal, but that is dangerous. And you are
strong enough now - nothing to be worried about. thisis16
A masturbatory person remains childish, a homosexual person remains
juvenile, a heterosexual person remains animal. These stages have
to be passed. Don't get stuck anywhere. And I am not condemning,
remember always; I have no condemnation for anything. Sometimes
homosexuals come to me and they say, "But Beloved Master,
we feel it is good." I say, "Okay. If you feel good,
it is your life. Who am I to condemn it, and for what? Why should
I condemn it? It is your life; if you decide to live it in this
way, good. Live it with all my blessings." But I feel sorry,
deep down - sorry because their growth will be hindered, sorry
because they will not know what great possibilities they were
carrying within themselves.
Sex is not an ordinary thing. It is one of the most substantial
parts of your being. One should not be so unalert about it. It
is the foundation of your being: you are born through sex, you
live through sex; your birth is through sex, your youth is through
sex, your love is through sex, and your death is going to happen
through sex. Your whole life is a sexual affair. One should be
very very alert and watchful of what one is going to do with one's
sex energy. melo04
A sannyasin says: I still have much trouble when you talk about
homosexuality.
You have to drop that trouble…
Even when I say something against homosexuality you should not
be bothered by it. If you are bothered that simply says that you
are still not settled, that somewhere you are still against it.
Otherwise there is no problem!
When I am talking to people I have to talk about general principles.
When I say it is difficult for a homosexual to grow spiritually,
I am only talking about a general principle, not that it is an
absolute rule.
If a homosexual person is perfectly at ease, there is no problem;
he may even grow faster than a heterosexual who is not at ease.
There are a thousand and one things; man is very complex. So if
a homosexual is perfectly at ease, that is the thing for him;
the unease really is the hindrance.
So when I am talking, if there are a hundred homosexuals, at least
ninety will try to get out of it and it is good if they get out
of it: There will be ten who even if they try, will not be able
to get out of it. That is simply natural to them; I'm not saying
anything about them.
But my problem is that if I talk about those ten, those other
ninety will remain in it and they will never grow. So I have to
look to the practicalness of it. When I have to choose a truth
I have to think to how many people this will be helpful.
So I have to look at the general. In ninety percent of cases it
is true that through homosexuality it is difficult for a person
to transcend sex and go beyond it, but exceptions are always there.
And I call that person an exception who does not feel at all uneasy
about it.
So drop all uneasiness - because you seem to be a born homosexual,
a natural homosexual. Heterosexuality will be unnatural to you
and you will have to force it. That will create problems; it will
not help you.
But you can understand my trouble. My trouble is that when I am
talking to so many people I have to just state the general fact.
Even that is very confusing. If I state exceptions also, then
it becomes difficult for anybody to understand anything of it.
So my approach is that I will go on insisting on the general truth.
Whomsoever can be changed by it will change, and the one who cannot
be changed by it is the exception. There is no need, he need not
be worried about it.
I have no condemnation about anything. That word condemnation
does not exist for me; it is not in my vocabulary.
So it is perfectly good for you. Simply forget about it. Let me
say whatsoever I say; don't bother about it. Whenever it comes
to homosexuality, don't listen to what I say. You are perfectly
at ease and flowing, so good! zero13
People go on making love just to prove that they are males or
females, or what charming people they are, beautiful people they
are. People go on finding new women, new men, just to prove that
'I am still attractive.' My observation of people is that they
don't fall in love. Their joy is not love, their joy is conquest.
Once they have achieved a woman they are no more interested in
her. It is not love. Now they are seeking new pasture, now they
want a new woman. Now they want to prove again that they are still
young, looked at, they still have charisma, magnetism. And the
more women they can make love with, the more their ego is satisfied.
This is not love. And Freud is right that sex gives ego-gratification.
But look at Tantra. Tantra has a totally different idea. Tantra
says: The appeal of sex is because it gives you a moment of egolessness,
timelessness, meditation. body08
A sannyasin, who plans to convert the Yoga centre he runs into
an Osho Meditation Centre, said that he was confused about Hindu
and Buddhist Tantra, both of which he tried to practise. He said
that sometimes there was much tension in the sex centre and he
didn't know what to do about this.]
The Buddhist and the Hindu Tantra are totally different things.
Just the name is the same. If you are confused about them, that
can create a very deep conflict in your body. Forget both, mm?
because it will be difficult for you to come to a harmony between
these two. I will give you a simple method. Don't be bothered
about Hindu and Buddhist Tantra.
While making love, three things have to be remembered. One is:
before you make love, meditate. Never make love without meditating,
otherwise the love will remain sexual. Before you meet the woman
you should rise higher in your consciousness because then the
meeting will happen on a higher plane. For at least forty minutes
sit looking at the wall with just a very dim light on so that
it gives a mysteriousness.
Sit silently and don't move the body; remain like a statue. Then
when you make love, the body will move, so give it another extreme
of first being unmoving so the body gathers momentum to move deeply.
Then the urge becomes so vibrating that the whole body, every
fibre is ready to have a movement. Then only tantric orgasm is
possible. You can have some music on…classical music will
do; something that gives a very subtle rhythm to the body.
Make the breathing as slow as possible because when you make love
the breathing will go deep and fast. So just go on slowing down,
but don't force it, otherwise it will go fast. Simply suggest
that it slows down.
Both meditate together and when you are both feeling meditative,
that is the moment to love. Then you will never feel tension and
energy will be flowing. If you are not feeling meditative, don't
make love. If meditation is not happening that day, forget all
about love.
People do simply the opposite. Almost always couples fight before
they make love. They become angry, nag each other and bring all
sorts of conflict - and then they make love. They fall very low
in their consciousnesses, so of course love cannot be very satisfying.
It will be frustrating and you will feel a tension.
The second thing is: when you are making love, before you start,
worship the partner and let the partner worship you. So after
meditation, worship. Face each other totally naked and worship
each other, because Tantra cannot be between man and woman. It
can only be between a god and a goddess. It is a gesture, but
very significant. The whole attitude has to become sublime so
that you disappear. Touch each other's feet, put garlands of flowers
there. The man becomes transformed into Shiva and the woman is
transformed into Shakti. Now your humanity is irrelevant, your
form is irrelevant, your name is irrelevant; you are just pure
energy. Worship brings that energy into focus.
And don't pretend. The worship has to be true. It cannot be just
a ritual, otherwise you will miss. Tantra is not a ritual. There
is much ritual in it, but Tantra is not ritual. You can repeat
the ritual. You can bow down to her feet and touch them; that
won't help.
Let it be a deeply meaningful gesture. Really look at her. She
is no more your wife, no more your girlfriend, no more woman,
no more body, but a configuration of energy. Let her first become
divine, then make love to her. Then love will change its quality.
It will become divine. That's the whole methodology of Tantra.
Then in the third step you make love. But let your making love
be more like a happening than like a making. The English expression
'making love' is ugly. How can you make love? It is not something
like doing; it is not an action. It is a state. You can be in
it but you cannot make it. You can move in it but you cannot do
it. You can be loving but you cannot manipulate it. The whole
Western mind tries to manipulate everything.
Even if the Western mind comes to find God someday, God will be
in trouble. They will harness Him in some way or other, manipulate
Him. They will put Him to some use, some utilitarian purpose.
Even love has become a sort of doing. No.
When you make love, be possessed. Move slowly, touch each other's
bodies; play with each other's bodies. The body is like a musical
instrument. Don't be in a hurry. Let things grow. If you move
slowly, suddenly both your energies will rise together, as if
something has possessed you. It will happen instantly and simultaneously
together. Then only Tantra is possible. Move now into love ….
Just feel energy descending on you and let that energy have its
movement. Sometimes you will start shrieking, shriek. Sometimes
you will start saying things, say. Sometimes only moans will be
coming out, or some mudras, gestures; allow them. It is going
to be a maddening thing, but one has to allow it. And don't be
afraid, because it is through your allowing that it is happening.
The moment you want to stop it, it stops, so you are never beyond
control.
And when gods make love it is almost wild. There are no rules,
no regulations. One moves just on the spur of the moment. Nothing
is taboo…nothing is inhibited. Whatsoever happens in that
moment is beautiful and holy; whatsoever, I say, unconditionally.
If you bring your mind into it you will destroy it completely.
If you suddenly feel like sucking her finger and you say 'What
nonsense!' then you have brought in the mind. You may feel like
sucking her breast; nothing wrong in it.
Nobody knows what is going to happen. You are simply left in the
divine vortex. It will take you, and it will take you wherever
it wants. You are simply available, ready to move with it. You
don't direct it…you have simply become vehicles. Let energies
meet in their own ways. The man should be dropped out of it -
just pure energy. You will not be making love only through the
genital organs; you will be making love through your whole body.
That's the meaning of shivalingam: no face, no hands, no feet
- just the phallic symbol. When Shiva made love he became just
the phallus - the whole of his body. It is very beautiful…no
face, nothing. Everything has disappeared.
It is not that you are using your sexual organs only; the sex
has spread all over. You head is as much a part of it as your
feet. You have become a phallus. You are no more man; you are
just energy. She is also no more a woman; just energy, a vulva.
It is a very wild thing.
If you meditate before and then worship each other, there is no
danger; everything will move rightly. You will attain to a peak
of orgasm that you have never known. Sometimes you will achieve
it: a very great orgasm in which the whole body throbs and pulsates.
By and by you reach a climax; again you come down. It will cleanse
your whole being, the whole system. Sometimes there will be no
ejaculation but orgasm will be there.
There are two types of orgasm: the peak orgasm and the valley
orgasm. In the peak orgasm you will have an ejaculation and she
will have also an ejaculation of some subtle energies. In the
valley orgasm you will not have any ejaculation. It will be a
passive orgasm…very silent, very subtle. The throb will
be there but almost imperceptible. In the peak orgasm you will
feel very very blissful. In the valley orgasm you will feel very
very peaceful. And both are needed; both are two aspects of Tantra.
Every peak has its valley, and every valley has its peak. A peak
cannot exist without the valley nor vice versa.
[Osho said not to be too concerned about having an ejaculation.
The Western mind tends to be too concerned about it happening
and feels that something is wrong when it doesn't happen. The
whole thing is to be totally in it and to leave things in the
hands of God; it is His business. Your business is just to enjoy,
delight, celebrate.]
And when it has happened and you have both achieved to a deep
orgasm, don't pull yourself out of her. After the orgasm, remain
inside her and rest for a few moments. That rest is very very
deep. After an orgasm a rest is like a valley. You have reached
to the very peak and now you have come back to the valley. It
is very cool and shady and you rest.
And really much happens after the orgasm…the merging, the
melting. Bodies are tired, exhausted, spent. The mind is shocked.
It has almost been like an electric shock.
When you come out of your love state, again pray together; end
with a prayer. The difference is that when you meditate, you meditate
separately and she meditates separately, because meditation cannot
be done together. Meditation is a lonely effort. It is not a relationship.
So you may be meditating together but still you meditate alone;
you are alone and she is alone.
Then you worship each other. That's again different. The other
becomes the object of worship. then you make love and you are
completely lost. You are not yourself, she is not herself. Nobody
knows who is who. All is lost in a whirlpool of energy. The polarity
of man and woman is no more a polarity; boundaries merge, mingle.
Sometimes you will feel like a woman and she will feel like a
man. Sometimes she comes on top of you. Sometimes you become passive
and she becomes active and the role changes. It is a great drama
of energies. All is lost, abandoned. Then you come out of that
innermost experience; pray together. That's the fourth thing.
Just thank God. And never complain. Whatsoever happens is right.
Don't say 'This has not happened. This should have happened.'
Who are we? He knows better. So just thank Him, whatsoever happens;
thank Him with deep gratefulness. Bow down and put your head on
the earth and remain there for a few moments in deep gratefulness.
Meditation is alone. In worship, the other is important, and in
prayer you both pray to God. So these three things have to be
involved. They will create the ecology in which Tantra happens.
And once a week will do.
If you are moving in Tantra then no other love should be allowed
otherwise it dissipates energy. But whenever you want to make
love, make sure you have enough time. It should not be done in
a hurry. It should not be like work. It is a game, play, and these
energies are so subtle that if you are in a hurry, nothing happens.
Tantra is not a fragment. You cannot practise it unless you create
the situation. It is like a flower.
You have to sow the seed and take care of the plant and water
it every day. You look to whether the sun is reaching it or not.
You cannot bring the flower, but you can create the situation
in which one day the flower comes and the bud opens.
So these three things are sowing the seed, caring for the plant,
watering it and being continuously concerned about it; being careful,
protecting it. Then one day suddenly - the flower of Tantra. It
will happen.
And now I am going to be involved with you, so there is no problem.
I am coming with you. myhart17
I have been telling you, "From sex to superconsciousness,"
and you have been very happy - you only hear "from sex,"
you don't hear "to superconsciousness."
And this is the case with those who are against me and with those
who are in favor of me - the same. Man is almost the same; friends
and enemies are not very different. I am being misunderstood by
the opponents, and that is understandable, but I am also being
misunderstood by the followers; that is not understandable at
all. The opponents can be forgiven, but the followers cannot be
forgiven.
Because I said, "Sex is stupid," many angry questions
have come to me. One of my sannyasins has written to me: "You
have some nerve to say that sex is stupid!" She must have
felt hurt. And I can understand: when you are living in a certain
way you don't want it to be described as stupid. Nobody wants
to be called stupid; it is not over the question of sex that you
are disturbed. It is your life; if it is stupid and you are living
it, then you are being stupid. That hurts. But I have to say it
even if it hurts because that is the only way to make you aware
that there is something more in life, something higher, something
greater, something far more blissful, far more orgasmic.
Sex is only a beginning but not the end. And nothing is wrong
if you take it as a beginning; if you start clinging to it, then
things start going wrong. If I say anything against homosexuality,
immediately the homosexuals start writing to me. If I say anything
against anything, there are people who will start writing. If
it hurts your ego, then you are immediately ready to defend-not
only to defend but to attack….
…After making love, at least for one hour sit in zazen and
you will see what I am saying. You will understand what I mean
when I say sex is stupid. After making love make it a point to
sit in zazen for one hour just watching what has happened. Were
you the master of it or just a slave? If you were the master of
it, then it is not stupid. If you were a slave, it is stupid,
because by repeating it you are making your slavery more and more
strong, you are feeding your slavery.
It is only through meditation that you will be able to understand
what I have been telling you. It is not a question to be decided
by argument, it can only be decided by your own meditation, your
own understanding, your own awareness. inzen04
My effort here is to make this commune sexually free. And when
I say sexually free, it has two meanings. In the beginning, people
will be easily available to each other, and in the end the very
availability will make their minds transcend sex. And that is
happening every day.
Hundreds of sannyasins write to me, "What has happened? When
we came, we were so full of sex, and now all that has disappeared.
There seems to be no desire for it. Even if we are interested
in somebody, it is more like friendship than any sexual relationship.
We love to be together, but there is no need to jump into bed
immediately."
In fact, there are many sannyasins writing to me that sex has
so completely disappeared, that for months or for years they have
been celibate. Go and ask a Catholic monk or a Hindu sannyasin:
they are trying to be celibate, and their minds are full of sex.
We are not trying to be celibate here, but celibacy is happening.
Whatsoever is easily available, automatically becomes uninteresting.
In the West many people are turning towards homosexuality, lesbianism,
for the simple reason that a man seems for another man to be a
faraway goal because he is so unnatural; a woman, for a woman,
seems to be a faraway goal, it seems so unnatural. A man and woman
relationship is natural. So people are turning into homosexuals,
lesbians. The reason is that when you make anything difficult,
condemn it, repress it, it will become more and more attractive.
In my commune nothing is repressed, hence everything, by and by,
loses its attraction. One becomes more and more calm and quiet
and settled. come06
Many people become puzzled…just a few nights ago, a couple
came to me and the husband was very much puzzled. He said, "What
is happening to us? We are no more husband and wife - all sex
has disappeared, but still we feel a deep intimacy." And
I told them, "Something immensely valuable is happening.
You are becoming brother and sister. Your love is taking on a
new dimension, a higher one - that of nonsexuality. It is becoming
purer."
Hearing it, immediately everything became clear to them. They
hugged each other, tears started flowing from their eyes. It was
a beautiful scene to see - they understood it. Yes, it clicked.
Yes, that's what is happening. They were worried because they
came from the West - the East has always known it: that if love
deepens it transforms the relationship; husbands and wives become
brothers and sisters. And ultimately a moment comes when not even
brothers and sisters…a kind of oneness arises, they become
one. fish03
Just the other day somebody had asked a question. He said that
he has seen the most beautiful women around here that he has ever
seen anywhere else, but they are non-erotic.
Why is it so? It is so, his observation is right. If you meditate
deeply you will become non-erotic. You will have a different kind
of beauty, but it will not be erotic. It will start having the
flavor of spirituality. It will start having the subtleness of
grace, not the grossness of sexuality.
Sex is gross because it is the lowest rung of your ladder. As
energies move upwards a totally different kind of beauty and grace
arises in you, which is divine. You become less and less of the
body and more and more of the spirit. sos213
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