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Part VII : Vivek, Osho’s attendant
Osho sometimes mentions Vivek, his caretaker, in his discourses.
You can ask Vivek—for two lives she has been falling in
love; this is her second life with me. You ask her why, and it
will be impossible to answer. She can cry or she can laugh or
she can dance, but she cannot answer why—because there is
no why in it. peren110
Vivek was saying just the other day, and many times she has
said it, that time flies so fast here that she cannot believe
that she has been here for seven years. It looks as if just seven
days ago she had come here. dh0207
Love is not a quantity. When somebody says, "I love you
very much," something is wrong, because love is not a quantity.
You cannot love less and more. Either you love or you don't love.
The division is very clear-cut.
Just a few days ago a new book had come, and the first copy
I always give to Vivek. I wrote 'With love to Vivek'. She told
me, "Why not much love?" I said, "That is impossible.
I cannot write that"—because to me, more or less is
not possible. I can simply write 'love'; 'much love' is absurd.
Quantity is not a question, but simple quality. belov202
Love affair is a love affair! It is not logical. When you love
a person, you love his wholeness, you love him as he is. And to
be with a Master the only way is to fall in total love. Hence
you start liking everything of the Master—yes, even his
mispronunciations! Of course it is easy to love his beauty, his
grace, his wisdom, but that is not enough—unless you start
loving him in his totality….
I know that if sometimes I don't mispronounce a few words, you
miss—when I mispronounce I can see the joy!
Vivek goes on telling me every day, "Don't say 'aunt', it
is 'ain't'." And whenever I come across it, just to be compassionate
to you, I again say 'aunt'.
And there is one more difficulty: there are a few things I cannot
figure out. My whole life I have been unable to figure out what
is left and what is right. In school when I used to go to the
parade I used to write on my hands, "This is right, this
is left." So whenever this question of 'aunt' and 'ain't'
arises I am puzzled—whether it is 'aunt' or 'ain't', or
vice versa!…
My mind is just a mechanism. For me now it is absolutely useless:
it is just for your sake that I go on feeding it a little bit.
Just for your sake I am speaking, otherwise now there is no point
for me. In fact there is no point for me even to breathe! It is
only for you that I am breathing, speaking, living. Those who
have eyes will be able to see it.
Everything is a device. Remember it: you have to see the device
to grow beyond it.
And as far as the pronunciation is concerned, it is a miracle
that I don't mispronounce all the words, or that even when I mispronounce
you can still understand…because language is very alien
to my being now—not English, but my own mother tongue is
alien. I have become a stranger to my own mind; the distance is
infinite between me and the mind. I am surprised myself that the
mind goes on functioning. What I have known has been known in
silence; no language can express it….
So it is just a miracle happening, that I go on speaking to
you, conveying to you something which cannot be conveyed, expressing
something which is inexpressible, saying the unsayable. And you
have to forgive many things.
But everything is a device, remember…and as you get closer
and closer to me, more and more subtle devices will be used. The
day is not far off when we will be simply sitting in silence and
there will be no question of language, words. Get ready for it,
because that which I really want to communicate can only be communicated
in silence. bestil08
Nothing can create enlightenment. You have fallen asleep, I
am shouting. And sometimes I really have to shout. Just the other
day Vivek was saying 'You were shouting so much this morning that
I am shaken, jarred; my nerves are on edge.' Good, so I will have
to do a little more shouting. Sooner or later how can you avoid
waking up? How long can you avoid waking up? sunris10
One day—just a few days ago—Vivek asked me this
question early in the morning: "Why do Jews have long noses?"
I settled in my chair, in my posture. I made my towel comfortable,
looked at the clock and I was just going to start a great discourse
on the philosophy and the physiology of the Jewish nose. But then
she became apprehensive and afraid. Naturally—because once
I take off, then it takes ninety minutes at least for me to land
on the earth. So she said, "Stop! Stop! I happen to know
the answer! You need not give me the answer!"
I was very shocked because I was already on the way. In a hurried
way she said, "Because the air is free!"
It is a beauty. I loved it. It explains everything. The Jews have
long noses because the air is free! art06
Just the other day Vivek was telling me a joke. She said, "Osho,
do you know why the Jews have short necks?"
And I said…(Osho shrugs his shoulders)
And she said, "Yes, that's why!"
When you love, what you can say except shrug your shoulders? And
if you go on shrugging your shoulders the whole day you will have
a short neck! ithat04
You say: Someone has dared me to ask you this impertinent question—What
do you do with Vivek? Anything I could possibly understand through
telling?
It will be difficult.
Vivek is so close to me that she is constantly on the cross.
She has to be; it is difficult. To be so close to me is arduous.
The more you are close to me, the more the responsibility. The
more you are close to me, the more you have to transform yourself.
The more you feel the unworthiness, the more you start feeling
how to become more worthy—and the goal seems almost impossible.
And I go on creating many situations. I have to create them because
only through friction does integration happen. Only through harder
and harder situations does one grow. Growth is not soft; growth
is painful.
You ask me, "What do you do with Vivek?"
I am killing her slowly. That is the only way for her to get
a totally new being, to be reborn. It is a cross to be with me,
and hard is the task.
Let me tell you one anecdote:
An unruly, problem son of a Jewish family was causing his parents
much heartache by his behavior. He had been expelled from a state
school, so finally, in desperation, they sent him to a Roman Catholic
school. On his return from his first day, he went straight to
his room and began to do his homework.
His father came back from work and asked, "Momma, well,
tell me the bad news."
"No bad news, Poppa," said momma. "He came in as
quiet as a lamb, and is now in his room doing his homework yet."
"Homework?" exclaimed Poppa. "He has never done
homework in his life! He must be ill!" So Poppa went to the
boy's room and said, "What is this Momma telling me, that
you are doing homework? Why this change of heart, all of a sudden?"
And the boy replied, "Poppa, I am the only Jewish boy in
that school. On the wall opposite my desk is a picture of the
last Jewish boy they had there. Oi, you should see what they did
to him!"…
Jesus crucified.
To be very close to me is to be on the cross. So Vivek has to
do her homework, that's all. That's what I go on doing to her.
Of course, she has to do more homework than any of you. belov202
You can ask Vivek how arduous it is. Just a few days ago she
was saying to me, "You are worse than Gurdjieff!" Now
that is a great compliment. Gurdjieff was really very hard on
his disciples, and she says, "You are worse than Gurdjieff!"
But I can understand: I am hard, I have to be hard. The closer
you come to me, the harder you will find me. belov210
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