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Part X : 1987-1990 Poona-Two : Disturbances
cause Osho to leave discourse
Osho creates many opportunities for laughter during discourse.
However, while he is speaking and in the pauses between his words,
there is pin-drop silence. On 7 April 1988, one visitor interrupts
Osho's speaking with continuous hysterical laughter.
The following evening, this laughter becomes louder when a thunderstorm
tears the roof bringing in wind and leaves.
Osho has continued speaking, but now he stops. Now there is only
the sound of wind and rain, the immensity of his silence, and
still—unbelievably—the giggling. Finally he speaks.)
This is out of the joke.
(But the giggling continues. Osho rises from his seat without
further comment, namastes and walks to the exit. He raises his
arm in salute, and the stunned assembly responds—"Yaa-Hoo!"
Away from the microphone, his words can be heard only by those
in the first few rows.)
Don't wait for me to come out tomorrow night. yaahoo20
The following evening there is general meeting in Buddha Hall.
Anando explains that so many sannyasins have apologised to him,
and requested him to continue speaking. There is a celebration
of music and dance as Osho arrives.
Beloved Osho,
Last evening I had my first experience of death. Your answer to
the beautiful question put before you had taken me so deep within,
so high, that by the time I realized what was happening—you
were gone.
Oh most precious and most Beloved Master—you have told us
to be here only if it is top priority. Your presence makes the
Buddha Hall into our temple.
You have told us how J. Krishnamurti died with the regret that
he had only been an entertainment to his people. How shamefully
we take you—your love, your grace, your compassion, your
being with us—for granted.
We must hurt you again and again and again.
Osho, Please forgive us?
Zareen, it was not your fault. It was my fault, because I have
loved you too much. I had not kept a distance between me and you.
That's why it became possible for a few people to misbehave. They
did not hurt me, they hurt you all. Otherwise there was no need,
because you can see—a bigger storm has come and there is
no need to laugh.
In fact it gives you an opportunity to be more silent. If you
cannot be silent when there is storm and darkness, your silence
is not true. It is only a question of looking at things in a right
way. The storm is so beautiful, so fresh, is bringing you news
of a constantly changing life. The old leaves are dropping, without
making any fuss about it, to make way for the new leaves to come.
The very dropping of the old leaves…if watchfully, consciously
understood, you have understood the secret of relaxation. The
dead leaf does not cling to the tree, neither the tree clings
to the dead leaf; they depart peacefully, in silence. They loved,
they lived, and it is now time to depart.
As far as I am concerned, just as the storm has come again,
I have come again. I was not going to come, it is the storm that
persuaded me: "I am going again—you will be missed."
Hundreds of letters just like Zareen's have come to me. And many
more people must have been sad and with tears. But I have felt
your sadness, your tears.
I wanted you to know that I am not an old-style Zen master, but
I also hit—in my own way, more sophisticated. I also destroy
your clingings, your egos; I also destroy your taking me for granted,
because one day suddenly I will be gone, just like the storm will
be gone. Before I am gone, I would like you to blossom into the
biggest roses possible.
When I see you in silence, in peace—and also in laughter
which comes out of silence and peace, not out of hysteria…Yesterday
I had to leave because a few of you behaved so unconsciously that
they needed to be made alert, that this is not a gathering where
you can remain unconscious. The whole purpose here is to become
more alert, more conscious. If the storm has come, nothing is
wrong in it. You should have listened to it and its song, and
you should have rejoiced in the falling leaves. You should have
learned something of tremendous importance.
But rather than learning anything a few of you behaved in a very
stupid way. I had to hit you hard, knowing perfectly well that
it will bring many tears to you and your hearts will be crying
and weeping. But it can be of great JUSTIFY">But rather
than learning anything a few of you behaved in a very stupid way.
I had to hit you hard, knowing perfectly well that it will bring
many tears to you and your hearts will be crying and weeping.
But it can be of great value to understand that it is absolutely
wrong to take my presence for granted. Then it becomes a routine,
and you forget completely that one day I will be gone.
Before I go I would like to see you all blossom in mystical roses,
releasing your fragrance.
Laughter is beautiful when it comes out of understanding, out
of innocence. But when it is hysterical it is insane and stupid.
I was not angry, I cannot be angry. I was simply sad to see that
a few people are still here whom I continue to call my people,
but they are not yet alert enough to be given that much dignity.
There is no question of forgiving you, because I have not been
angry. It is just that I have been feeling that perhaps my love
has not reached a few people.
I allow you more laughter than has ever been allowed; I have loved
you as no master has ever loved his disciples. Gautam Buddha would
not have loved you at all. Yes, he was compassionate, but being
compassionate is not the same as loving. Compassion is dry, compassion
is a distance; one is higher and one is very far down in the darkness.
I am not compassionate to you; I authentically love you. My love
is not dry; it is not in any way a feeling of superiority, of
taking your dignity and reducing you to inferiority. I give you
so much honor, as has never been given by any master to any disciple.
Because to me, being a master or being a disciple is just a fiction.
The difference is very small: whatever I am, I know; and whatever
you are, you do not know. Only this much difference does not make
somebody superior and somebody inferior. You are exactly the same
universal soul which any Gautam Buddha or Zarathustra or Bodhidharma
has experienced. It is within your reach any moment to enter into
the ultimate, into the very roots of your being, and all differences
between the disciple and the master disappear.
The whole function of the master is very strange. He is destroying
his mastership continuously, as he is making you more and more
aware. The day you become fully aware—and I will be able
to rejoice in seeing my garden full of roses—there will
not be any difference between my heart and your heart. We are
all part of one universal heartbeat. And in every possible way—even
impossible way—I am trying to bring that synchronicity between
you and the universal which is your real and original face.
But if I see that you start taking me for granted, that I am
speaking and you start laughing unnecessarily, at a wrong point,
that means either I am in a wrong place or you are in a wrong
place. What has happened yesterday, remember: it should not happen
again. I am holding myself with difficulty together. I can disappear
any moment. Then all your tears will not bring me back; then all
your sadness will be of no use. Perhaps sooner or later you will
forget it, as a beautiful dream that you had seen once.
Very few will be able to continue on the journey without me,
and to meet me finally in their self-realization. But those will
be very few. You need me, because my garden is almost a nursery;
you have just started growing. It is not the moment for me to
retire and to relax into the universal.
If yesterday's incident makes you more understanding and conscious,
then it has been a blessing in disguise. Storms will be coming
again and again, but you have to remember.
I have been using laughter itself as a device to wake you up.
Nobody in the whole history of man has used laughter as a device.
Sometimes I wonder why it has not been used, because it is a well-known
fact that in a dream you cannot laugh loudly. If in a dream you
laugh loudly you will wake up. In a dream, mostly you never laugh.
Laughter is too far away; even to smile in a dream is a very rare
experience.
But one thing you know: almost everybody once in a while has experienced
nightmares. In a deep danger, perhaps falling into a bottomless
abyss, or perhaps being approached by a ferocious lion—trembling,
you wake up.
My own experience says to me that if you can laugh rightly,
in the right moment, it will bring you out of unconsciousness
into the open sky, from the darkness to the light. I am introducing
laughter as a meditation because nothing makes you so total as
laughter; nothing makes you stop your thinking as laughter does.
Just for a moment you are no more a mind. Just for a moment you
are no more in time. Just for a moment you have entered into another
space where you are total and whole and healed.
For Zareen, I will give a few moments to laugh totally. They
are for all of you. And I have chosen her question out of hundreds
of others just as a representative, because they were all saying
the same things but not with so much totality and with so much
love and with so much heart….
(Osho tells several jokes, while the rain has begun drumming insistently
on the roof.)
The storm has come back!
Now laugh totally, whether the storm comes or not. It is coming….
I have been told that you have been celebrating for almost one
hour. I want everything to be celebrated—even tears, sadness,
even the feeling that "I have done something wrong or at
least participated in something that should not be done, or only
remained silent, without interfering with the wrongdoer."
Our way of asking for forgiveness can only be a celebration.
I believe only in celebration. Whatever the excuse—somebody
dies, it is not a time to celebrate, but I say to you, "Celebrate!"
because death too is part of existence. And one should not reject
existence, and one should not be afraid either.
Committing mistakes, just as you committed yesterday, is simply
human. By celebrating, it can be dropped. I don't want you be
sad for anything or guilty for anything, because these are the
things which all the religions have used to exploit humanity:
making them guilty, making them sad, making them feel that they
are unworthy.
I don't want you to feel in any way unworthy. Even when you
commit a mistake you are not committing a sin.
Because you have been celebrating for one hour, I would like to
have our prayer: two minutes of total silence, no movement, close
your eyes…
Now, let go.
…Come back to life.
The storm is coming too. yaahoo21
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