| 
Part X : 1987-1990 Poona-Two : Osho#146;s
personal life, and friends
I don't usually ask personal questions about your private life,
because I feel it is private and none of our business.
It is good not to ask me personal questions, because they are
not going to help you in any way. You are here for your own personal
growth, you are not to be worried about my personal life; in fact,
I don't have much personal life. Eighteen hours at least is sleeping.
I have been told many times that I should write my autobiography.
What autobiography? No love affair…Even Niskriya is smiling.
He must be thinking, "Now look in what trouble I have been
up to now."
I am not in trouble. Just to avoid trouble I am not in any love
relationship. And without love relationships, without a wife and
children what autobiography…? I am not a man of actions.
Today after I finished lunch, my Coke was just sitting in front
of me on the table, but I waited and waited for Shunyo…
Finally she showed up. She said, "You have finished?"
I said, "I have finished long ago, I am just waiting for
my Coke."
She said, "But the Coke is here."
I said, "It is there, that's what I am thinking. The Coke
is here; I am here—nothing is happening. I am simply waiting
for someone…"
These people, you don't know…Anando opens the door and forces
me into my bathroom: "It is time to take a bath."
I said, "This is strange, I could have walked myself."
They don't even allow me to open the door of the car…!
I have looked many times—at the most, half a page will do
for my autobiography, and the rest of my life I have been sleeping.
Seeing the fact that for eternity one has to sleep, I thought,
why bother? Just start it right now.
My physician, Dr. Amrito goes on trying to cure my troubles.
My hand hurts—he has been injecting it as many times as
he wants. I am so lazy that I will not even stop…so let
them do what they want to do. Finally, this morning I said, "Just
wait a few days. When I am gone keep my skeleton and study it
well, and wherever things are incorrect correct them. Why torture
me unnecessarily now?"
I don't have any personal life. Just today I told Hasya not
to answer any letter from anybody who addresses me as "friend,"
because I don't have any friend.
I don't take any responsibility. Once you accept somebody as
a friend you have accepted somebody to be an enemy in the future.
It is better from the very beginning to be on the safe side. Already
I have so many enemies, why go on increasing them?
A person who is asking questions, but is not ready to be a disciple
does not deserve to be answered either, because disciple simply
means one who is capable of learning. And a person who himself
is accepting that, "I am not going to be a disciple, but
I want these questions to be answered"—why should I
bother? He has not even the respect.
You don't ask spiritual questions to your friends; you don't
ask questions about meditation and the inner life to your friends.
Friends are in the same boat; I am not your friend. I may call
you friends just out of my love, but that does not mean that you
can call me your friend. The moment you call me your friend, I
am not going to answer, because you are in the same state of consciousness
as I am…what is the point of answering? You must know!
If you want to learn you have to be a learner, a disciple. If,
because of my love, I call you my friend that does not give you
the permission to start calling me your friend.
The distance between our consciousnesses is infinite.
I am calling you from a sunlit peak.
And you are in a dark valley.
And anyway Maneesha, neither do I have any personality nor any
personal life.
Reduced to its simplest: I talk to you twice if my body allows.
Once in a while it freaks out. Then two times a bath—just
a quick shower, as quick as one can do. Fifteen hundred calories
of food—which even small babies will find insufficient—because
if I take more I will have to become a member of the Couch Potato
Club.
I don't have any antagonism as far as potatoes are concerned.
They are very good people; they have never done any harm to anybody.
But still I don't want to enter into that company.
So for your information, this is my autobiography.
And then two times of sleep—in total eighteen hours. I don't
have any ambition for tomorrow. If by chance I am still here I
will talk to you about things which may help you on the path.
If I am not here perhaps that may also help you, because then
you cannot take me for granted. Perhaps my remembrance may give
you much more light than I can give you.
Never take me for granted, because I have nothing to stay for:
no desire, no ambition, nowhere to go. I have not even visited
the M.G. Road market. I hope that some time, by chance…
Just a few days ago I had to go to Jehangir Hospital to see one
of my old lovers, Manik Bafna, because he had a second heart attack.
If it was the first I would not have gone. A second is too much.
The third is the last—after the third also I will not go,
because there is no point. The right point was the second.
And I heard from sannyasins that there is a rumor in the hospital
that I had a heart attack, and I had come to be checked, but I
did not like the place so I did not go—because within two
minutes I was out. Naturally the hospital servants and doctors
must have thought that I did not like the place. Who likes places
like hospitals?
So Maneesha, there is not much. I think I could have given you
more information—Maneesha is writing books about me; she
would have been helped—but I am helpless. You can invent
anything you like. I will say yes, so you need not be worried.
Even if you say that I have a wife and five children, I am not
going to contradict it. What is wrong in it? Everybody has a wife,
everybody has many children. And there is no harm; one really
feels proud.
But it is better not to ask such questions. shanti21
I would like to be in synchronicity with you. Would you mind
telling me what time it is, so that I can set my watch by yours?
Anand Vimal, it is not difficult for me to tell the time. But
keeping your watch in synchronicity with my watch is not the real
thing; your heart has to be in synchronicity with my heart. The
watch will not help. Just for your consolation, on my watch it
is eight-ten. But you have to synchronize with my heart, with
my being.
And I know you are coming along, slow but steady…and the
moment will come when your heart will beat with the same rhythm
as my heart….
In deep silence you all synchronize with me, because silence knows
no distinctions. In laughing together you synchronize with me,
because laughter knows no boundaries. In understanding what I
am saying and where I am leading you, you synchronize with me.
Watches won't do, Vimal. In fact, you don't want to synchronize
with the watch; you want to synchronize with me. That happens
as your meditation deepens, as your love becomes unconditional,
without any expectations. Once it happens, it has happened forever.
And the synchronicity, the harmony with the master, does not think
of contradictions, inconsistencies; those are all far below in
the dark valleys. The moment you synchronize, you start rising
towards the sunlit peaks, towards the stars.
It will happen…. The way I have been watching you, it is
already happening. Don't bother about watches—because what
will you do if I don't have a watch? In fact, the watch I have
is not mine. Even if you synchronize with it, you will be synchronizing
with somebody else, whose watch I am wearing. People give me watches
to wear while they are here, just to bless their watches, so they
can rejoice when they go that they are going with something, some
heartbeats of me. This is difficult for the outside world to understand.
Gayan makes my clothes. She could have been paid highly anywhere;
she is a perfect seamstress. Here she gets nothing except my love.
She works day and night—but perhaps she has got the insight
that there is nothing more valuable than the love of one who has
arrived. His love will pull you also with invisible strings to
the whole.
Everything I have does not belong to me. My shoes Arpita goes
on making; my hats Veena goes on making. They rejoice that I am
wearing their hats, their shoes, their dresses. Somebody brings
a car and is grateful that I am using the car for coming to Buddha
Hall. I could have come walking—it is not such a great distance,
just from one house to another house—but then I would not
have made somebody happy without any effort.
It is difficult for the outsiders to understand me. They have
never known such a thing—that anybody will give me their
watches just to wear so that the watch starts vibrating with my
heart, and then it becomes sacred to them….
It does not matter whether it is valuable or not valuable…people
from around the world go on sending me strange things, knowing
perfectly well what I will do with them. Just the other day somebody
sent a beautiful stone from Mount Sinai, where Moses met God,
according to the theology of the Jews, so Mount Sinai has become
a holy place.
I respect the idea, although the story may be false. The story
may be just a story, but the person who sends a stone, packaged
beautifully, has a tremendous love in his heart. What should he
give to me?—everything is trivial. But this stone from Mount
Sinai, which is the only place God has ever spoken to any man,
is holy. Although it is just a stone, because it is holy, somebody
sends it to me.
I go on receiving all kinds of things, and I will go on distributing
them to others. What will I do with them?—I have come naked
and I will go naked from the world. And I am still naked under
my clothes, I know it!
I have been seeing you, watching you, Vimal. Perhaps you need
a few sutras: they bring you closer to me. Seriousness separates;
laughter brings closer.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can enjoy today….
pilgr10
Last night, I noticed your beard. It is really a magnificent
thing; it reminds me of a lion's mane. Does a beard like yours
come with enlightenment? Or do you have to be born with it?
Vimal, you are a little bit crazy, but not more than me. I insist:
if you want this kind of beard, you will have to be born with
it. It does not come with enlightenment. Enlightenment has no
concern with your beard. Even a woman can become enlightened.
That does not mean she will have a beard. This kind of beautiful
beard comes only with your birth. chit09
I don't even shave my own beard! Nirvano goes on saying to me,
"I can trim it a little."
I say, "No, absolutely no! These are my original hairs. I
have never shaved my beard. They are the same original hairs as
when they first had started growing in my youth, and I am going
to keep them to the very last."
She feels worried that they will become thinner, that this beard
will become too long. I said, "Don't be worried. Even if
it starts touching the ground, I am always in favor of the original."
pilgr16
I have never done anything in my life. If somebody happens to
do it…
Just on the way, Shunyo was telling me—she must have met
Jayesh, and I have told Shunyo that without Jayesh I don't know
how things would have been settled. He has been doing too much.
The poor fellow had come to Rajneeshpuram to meditate, renouncing
the world to sit silently, and he met me in the plane and got
arrested with me! Since then, he is running continuously all around
the world. He has completely forgotten for what he has come; he
has no time.
And I simply go on watching him doing everything, just nodding—"Well
done! Good boy!" So Shunyo must have told him, and he started
crying.
I know those tears are of great joy, of deep love….
From my very childhood, my parents, my neighbors, my teachers,
my professors…everybody has repeated again and again: "Listen,
if you don't change your ways you are going to end up into nothing."
I have ended into nothing! They were all right, but I am enjoying
this nothing so much. Gautam Buddha had to try for it. I have
not tried, I have just not listened to anybody—and ended
up into nothing. I have never listened to anybody's advice, howsoever
great. I simply remained my lazy self, bone-lazy.
Anando was worried that I used to sit cross-legged always, but
just for a few days…
"Why are you not sitting cross-legged?"
I said, "This is strange, but it does not happen to me. It
used to happen…but what can I do?" Should I cross my
legs because Anando will be in trouble?
I am not going to listen to anybody; I am going to sit this way.
Even Niskriya is laughing. When he laughs I know everything is
all right. Otherwise, he is a serious person. yaahoo26
Just this morning I said to Shunyo that Anando has too much work—and
I go on loading her with more and more work. I go on calling her
morning, evening and night. And if I don't call her she waits;
if I don't call her I feel guilty that she must be waiting. And
the strangest thing is she has never said no to anything. Howsoever
burdened, she immediately is ready to take on a new project, knowing
that it is almost impossible for her to do all these things. But
if I am saying it, that is enough for her: "There must be
the potential in me which I am not aware of—but my master
has to be aware. If he is saying, `Do it,' I will do it."
I have never heard even a hesitation.
Sannyas needs a total yes and then it can happen this very moment.
shanti26
I seem to have become very muddleheaded and scatter-brained lately…
Anando, you are a rare intelligence but it often happens that
the people who are intelligent don't have a good memory. And people
who are intelligent, if they are not a little eccentric, are very
flat and boring. You are not flat and boring. You are a born cuckoo….
Anando is an intelligent woman. Somehow she has escaped from the
trap, and all intelligent people are so individualistic that the
crowd thinks that something is wrong with them, particularly about
a woman.
In the first place, she is not expected to be intelligent; in
the second place, she is not allowed to be a cuckoo, and Anando
is both! And I love cuckoos, because cuckoos will reach enlightenment
before anybody else. And a man or woman who does not have something
eccentric in them is not interesting. They are too flat, too boring.
A small eccentricity makes people more juicy.
So Anando, there is no need to be worried….
So as far as I see, everything is going perfectly well. And
I am watching you every day—because Anando is one of my
secretaries, so I see her every day. She is growing, becoming
more and more silent, joyous, humorous, sharp. dawn32
Knowledge cannot bring tears. Tears are indicating something
very deeply significant, that you have touched something which
can only be expressed by tears or laughter or dancing—which
are all irrational. You cannot explain them rationally!
I gave Shunyo a small antique Rolex watch for Veeresh. I told
her, "Find him and give it to him."
She came running back to me saying, "Veeresh is really crazy.
When I gave him the watch, he simply started crying and dancing.
I could not believe it! He did not say anything, he is simply
dancing outside!"
And because she was searching for him, she told Anando also
to look for him. After Shunyo had given the watch to Veeresh,
Anando found him and she could not believe either—"What
has happened?" Just tears and laughter together, and he was
dancing, jumping. She brought him close to my room, to inform
Shunyo.
And Anando said, "It is strange…What has happened
to him?"
Shunyo said, "It is nothing, just that Osho has given a watch
to him." chit03
Now my Veeresh is here, hiding himself; this is the crazy type
of man I am talking about. He has been following me everywhere
on my world tour, but always hiding, just like that. He has not
even a desire to be recognized—"I have been following
you all around the earth"—but a pure love. He goes
on working for me in Europe, in every possible way, doing whatever
he can do. He puts his total energy into it and when he comes
here—and he must be wanting to come here every day—he
hides.
That's the way of unconditional love. It is enough that I have
looked into his eyes. It is enough…If I can catch hold of
him once in a while he is fulfilled, he is contented; that I have
recognized him, I remember him—that's enough. satyam28
Veeresh, in Europe, is creating "Rajneesh Misfit Cities."…
The misfit has to accept one thing: that he will not be respected
by the ordinary society. He will not get recommendations and honors
and awards for being a misfit. I am certainly thinking to create
an award, a world award each year, to be given to the greatest
misfit in the world….
The society needs a few misfit people. They are the people who
carry the torch of freedom and consciousness from generation to
generation. splend21
|
