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Part IV : Osho’s professor, Dr. S.K. Saxena
I used to walk in an Indian sandal which is made of wood. It
has been used by sannyasins for centuries, almost ten thousand
years or perhaps longer. A wooden sandal...because it avoids any
kind of leather, which is bound to be coming from an animal who
maybe has been killed, killed only for this purpose - and the
best leather comes from very young children of animals. So sannyasins
have been avoiding that, and using a wooden sandal. But it makes
so much noise when the sannyasin walks, you can hear from almost
half a mile away that he is coming. And on a cement road or walking
on the verandah in the university...the whole university knows.
The whole university used to know me, know that I was coming
or going; there was no need to see me, just my sandals were enough.
ignor21
When on the first day I entered the university's philosophy class,
I met Doctor Saxena for the first time. Only for a few professors
did I have really great love and respect. These two were my most
loved professors - Doctor S.K. Saxena and Doctor S.S.Roy - and
for the simple reason that they never treated me like a student.
When I entered Doctor Saxena's class the first day, with my
wooden sandals, he looked a little puzzled. He looked at my sandals
and asked me, "Why are you using wooden sandals? - they make
so much noise." I said, "Just to keep my consciousness
alert."
He said, "Consciousness? Are you trying to keep your consciousness
alert in other ways too?"
I said, "Twenty-four hours a day I am trying to do that,
in every possible way: walking, sitting, eating, even sleeping.
And you may believe it or you may not, that just lately I have
succeeded to be aware and alert even in sleep."
He said, "The class is dismissed - you just come with me
to the office." The whole class thought I had created trouble
for myself the first day. He took me into his office and took
from the shelf his thesis for a doctorate that he had written
thirty years before. It was on consciousness. He said, "Take
it. It has been published in English, and so many people in India
have asked to translate it into Hindi - great scholars, knowing
both languages, English and Hindi, perfectly well. But I have
not allowed anybody, because the question is not whether you know
the language well or not; I was looking for a man who knows what
consciousness is - and I can see in your eyes, on your face, by
the way you answered...you have to translate this book."
I said, "This is difficult because I don't know English
much, I don't know Hindi much either. Hindi is my mother tongue,
but I know only as much as everybody knows his mother tongue.
And I believe in the definition of the mother tongue. Why is every
language called the mother tongue? - because the mother speaks
and the father listens - and that's how the children learn. That's
how I have learned.
"My father is a silent man; my mother speaks and he listens
- and I learned the language. It is just a mother tongue, I don't
know much; Hindi has never been my subject of study. English I
know just a little bit, and that is enough for your so-called
examinations, but for translating a book which is a Ph.D. thesis....
And you are giving it to a student?"
He said, "Don't be worried - l know you will be able to
do it."
I said, "lf you trust me, I will do my best. But one thing
I must tell you, that if I find something wrong in it then I am
going to make an editorial note underneath, putting a star on
it, that this is wrong, and how it should be. If I find something
missing, I am going to put a star again and a footnote that something
is missing, and this is the part that is missing."
He said, "l agree to that. I know there are many things
missing in it. But you surprise me: you have not even seen the
book, you have not even opened it. How do you know that things
will be missing in it?"
I said, "Looking at you...in the way you can see by looking
at me, that I am the right person to translate it, I can see perfectly,
Doctor Saxena, you are not the right person to write it!"
And he loved that so much that he told it to everybody. The whole
university knew about it - this dialogue that had happened between
me and him. In the next two-month summer vacation I translated
the book, and I made those editorial notes. When I showed him,
there were tears of joy in his eyes.
He said, "I knew perfectly well that something is missing
here, but I could not figure it out because I have never practiced
it. I was just trying to collect all the information about consciousness
in Eastern scriptures. I had collected a lot, and then from that
I started sorting it out. It took me almost seven years to finish
my thesis." He had done really a great scholarly job - but
only scholarly. I said, "It is scholarly, but it is not the
work of a meditator. And I have made all these notes - that this
can be written only by a scholar, not by a meditator."
He looked at all those pages and he said to me, "If you
had been one of my examiners for the thesis I would not have got
the doctorate! You have found exactly the right places that I
was doubtful about, but those fools who examined it were not even
suspicious. It has been praised very much."
He was a professor in America for many years, and his book is
really a monumental work of scholarship; but nobody criticized
him, nobody has pointed.... So I asked him, "Now what are
you going to do with the translation?"
He said, "I cannot publish it. I have found a translator
- but you are more an examiner than a translator! I will keep
it but I cannot publish it. With your notes and with your editorial
commentary it will destroy my whole reputation - but I agree with
you. In fact," he said, "if it were in my power I would
have given you a doctorate just for your editorial notes and footnotes,
because you have found exactly the places which only a meditator
can find; a non-meditator has no way to find them."
So my whole life from the very beginning has been concerned
with two things: never to allow any unintelligent thing to be
imposed upon me, to fight against all kinds of stupidities, whatsoever
the consequences, and to be rational, logical, to the very end.
This was one side, that I was using with all those people with
whom I was in contact. And the other was absolutely private, my
own: to become more and more alert, so that I didn't end up just
being an intellectual. misery01
One of my professors, Dr S.K. Saxena, he was the head of the
department of Philosophy and I was his student. But he won't allow
me to live in the hostels and it was a little embarrassing for
me, for the simple reason because he was a drunkard, gambler,
a very nice man and has never lived with his family...his
family was living in Delhi, because he could not tolerate anybody.
And I feel embarrassed because he will take me to his house
and then he will not drink, just out of respect and love for me.
And I knew that it will be too difficult for him, he is an old
man and he is not just occasional drunkard, he is a drunkard,
he needs every day otherwise he cannot live.
So I told him that, "I can come with the condition that you
will not change anything in your life because of me. You will
have to continue whatever you do...if you want to drink, you
drink, just the way, as if I am not there."
He said, "That is the difficulty. I take you there because
when you are there I don't need the drink. You are a nourishment
to me. When you are in my house I feel my house has become your
home otherwise I am just living in a house. I have never had a
home. My wife is there, my children are there, but somehow that
atmosphere never happened that becomes immediately possible the
moment you enter into my house.
"You are sleeping into another room, I am sleeping into another
room but I sleep so deeply when you are in my room, and without
drinking. So don't think that I am making any obligation on you
to take you from the hostel to my bungalow, which is more comfortable
in every possible way...no. You are making an obligation on
me. I feel so nourished."
He said to me, that "When you are there I don't eat so much
as I eat every day and my doctor goes on telling me: `not to eat
too much, you are old, you have diabetes, you are a drunkard.
That drinking is killing you, that drinking is making your diabetes
worse and you go on eating and you love sweets and you love delicious
food.' But when you are there, simply my appetite is not there,
I feel full. What the doctor has not been able to do in years,
you have not even told me."
In fact, I used to tell him, that "Doctor you should eat
something. Only I am eating and you are just sitting there."
He said, "I know, but there is no appetite and I am feeling
very good."
Not only you will start feeling changes, others will start feeling
changes. All that is to be remembered is a simple word: witnessing.
last511
Jabalpur has one of the most beautiful spots in the world. For
two to three miles continuously a beautiful river, Narmada, flows
between two mountains of marble...just three miles of pure
white marble on both sides, high mountains. And the river is deep.
On a full-moon night, when the moon comes in the middle and you
can see those rocks also reflected into the waters, it creates
almost a magical world. I don't think there is anything in the
world which can be compared to that magic. It is simply unimaginable.
I insisted again and again to my professor, Doctor S.K. Saxena...I
had loved him very much because he was the only teacher I came
across who never treated me as a student. We argued, we fought
on small points, and if he was wrong he was always ready to accept
it, and he was grateful....
I said, "...now you have to come with me to Jabalpur."
It was one hundred miles from the university where he was professor,
to the marble rocks. "I would not let you die without seeing
it."
But he said, "Howsoever beautiful it is, I have seen the
whole world" - he had been a world traveler - "I
have seen everything that is worth seeing. What can be there?"
I said, "I cannot describe...you just come with me."
And I took him there. He was asking again and again, when we were
moving in the boat, "Do you call this the most beautiful
place?"
I said, "You just wait. We have not entered into it yet."
And then suddenly the boat entered into the world of marble, the
mountains of marble. And in the full-moon night they were just
so pure, so virgin-pure, and their reflections...The old man
had tears in his eyes. He said, "If you had not insisted,
I would have missed something in my life. Just take the boat close
to the mountains, because I would like to touch then. It looks
so illusory! Without touching I cannot believe that what I am
seeing is real."
I told the boatman to come close to the mountains. He touched
the mountains, and he said, "Now I can leave - they are
real! But for three miles continuously...!"
This man wrote beautifully, spoke beautifully, but still was
miserable. And I said, "Neither your writings mean anything,
nor your speeches mean anything. To me what is significant is
whether you have been able to drop all the causes of misery. You
are so miserable that you drink, just to forget. You are so miserable
that you smoke, just to forget. You gamble, just to forget."
Now, this world is not to be renounced. There are beautiful
people, there are immensely capable people; they just have never
come across a person who could have triggered a process of mutation
in their life....
I told you about this beautiful spot because in Jabalpur there
are thousands of people who have not seen it. It is only thirteen
miles away, and I have asked those people - professors, doctors,
engineers - "Just go and see!"
And they say, "We can see it anytime. It is there; it is
not going to go away." Psycho17
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